It's amazing how we can just roll along in life thinking everything is dandy and then something comes along and creates ripples on the water. The gears started really turning as I was sitting in a lecture called Surviving Life Transitions. I in no way, shape, or form thought this lecture would be relevant to me (since our clientele is middle-aged, I just KNEW this lecture was going to be about mid-life crises and empty-nesting), but dang if I didn't come out with my mind really blown. I guess I really didn't want to think about it, but I'm at a HUGE turning point in my life and this lecture really dredged up everything I have been repressing. I've only got 8 weeks left here. 8 weeks before I am turned out into the real world. School is really over this time. It's time to start being a grown up. And that honestly scares the crap out of me. The lecture brought up this idea of "sitting in the hallway." In order to truly move from one point in your life to the next, you have to sit in the darkness of the in-between. And it sucks. Really bad. But in order to grow, it's essential that you address the feelings that come up and just sit in the emotion. I don't like it. Not one bit. I liked my safe life before I started thinking about all the "what-ifs". This phase is likened to the old saying about preferring the devil you do know to the devil you don't.
This is where The Art of Letting Go comes in. Not only am I terrified of the next chapter when this one ends, I have a slight issue with being in control (maybe "slight" is an understatement for those of you who know me well...). Unfortunately for me, true happiness comes from letting go -- the process of releasing what's holding you down. The first step? Admission of powerlessness. Ouch. Fortunately, when you let go, you allow more opportunities to happen. Each person in class made a "let-go list". Here's mine:
- Being in control
I don't know where things are going from here and that's terrifying. I have been blessed with this awesome experience and through my time here I have grown so much. One of my fears is that I will outgrow some of those I love, then where does that leave me? Last week, a friend of mine said something along the lines of, "I'm ready to press play on my life," and that's exactly how I feel. Everyone else seems as if their life is on track and I'm just waiting for mine to start. My 2012 life plan was to hang out at the beach for 16 weeks, get a job, and get married and for now, it seems like only 1 of those things is a sure thing. So for now, I'm left sitting in the hallway of the unknown. Anyone want to keep me company?
Some quotes that are pretty relevant to me right now:
One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. --Helen Keller
(My mom sent me this quote last week just when I needed it!)
People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. --Thich Nhat Hanh
Listen closely; there is so much to be heard in the silence.
When I let go of what I am, I can become what I might be. --Lao Tzu